Author Archive

I’ve Got This Idea

August 25, 2011

I want to have my first novel written already. I think that’s my big hurdle now, as a writer– once I get through the process once, it won’t be so daunting, because I’ll be able to draw on whatever I did the first time, and then I’ll be able to do the same thing again, and basically after I write my first novel I’ll rip myself off into infinity.

I have an idea for a novel! I’ve been extremely critical of myself, but I like this idea, because it is something that I consider easy and pandering, plus just enough of a twist for me to pretend I’m breaking new ground (the only new ground I will ever break will be when they bury me.)

Hit the jump to see what my fresh new take will be!



July 14, 2011

He laughed and tried to wipe himself off, but the mud was sticky and the blood just smeared around. He finished his beer and threw the bottle over the railing, almost hitting her.

She stumbled backwards, catching herself on the railing. She closed her eyes for a long moment and felt the emptiness around them. She felt warm and full. The  muscles in her thighs were still twitching. Cool mountain air caressed her face; she slowly raised her arms and spread her fingers. When she opened her eyes, he was standing on the railing. Swaying.

She squinted up at him and moved her fingers to shield her eyes from the midday sun. “You haven’t been this relaxed for a while.”

He grasped a plastic card between his fingers and looked at it closely. A credit card. After a moment of consideration, he flicked it into the wind, and it was gone. He looked down at her. He laughed again, easily. He held up his driver’s license for a moment. Easily, he let it go. He turned his face skyward.

Her breath caught in her throat– and she changed her mind.

Just as she opened her mouth to tell him, he let himself fall.

Ex Nihilo Res

July 9, 2011

“Electricity.” John smiled. “Electricity is the answer, and you know it.”
His black, collared shirt was loose over his lank frame and strangely long arms. He wore a white tie, and shiny shoes. Behind horn rim glasses, his dark eyes gleamed.


Miracle Jones

January 17, 2011

Miracle Jones has written at least three short stories that were much more than worth my time and were just barely sci fi.

I might review them, but I think my time would be better spent writing stories.

Edit: Four stories. That’s how many I’ve read so far.

The Great Mind Of Our Time

January 15, 2011

(1:19:41 AM) Ari Collins: I was thinking, like beatboxing.
(1:19:44 AM) Ari Collins: Only gayer.


November 19, 2010

I have an art blog now. You can visit it at

Thank you.


November 7, 2010

(8:19:23 PM) Ari Collins: Am I dicks?
(8:19:28 PM) Rob: Yes.
(8:19:31 PM) Ari Collins: Awesome.

Life On The Interfuck

November 6, 2010

The Interfuck is a name I’ve invented for a  definition-defying  recursive society which only takes three sci-fi ingredients: Primer-style time travel, interstellar travel (but not at faster-than-light speed!) and cryogenics.


Because This Blog Is About High Art

September 23, 2010

(10:51:37 PM) Rob: Okay, you are entirely enamored of this godfart.
(10:51:47 PM) Ari Collins: GODFART.
(10:51:52 PM) Ari Collins: How are you not with me on this?
(10:52:02 PM) Rob: Because you are seven years old.
(10:52:03 PM) Rob: And I am eight.
(10:52:09 PM) Rob: I have moved on to penis jokes.
(10:52:17 PM) Ari Collins: PENISFART.
(10:52:35 PM) Rob: I want to say that adding ‘fart’ to the end of things doesn’t instantly make it better.
(10:52:40 PM) Rob: But that word is pretty funny.
(10:52:42 PM) Rob: Although:
(10:52:53 PM) Rob: Perhaps it just turns out that addding ‘Penis’ to the beginning of something actually is the key.
(10:53:35 PM) Ari Collins: PENISBIKE.
(10:53:40 PM) Ari Collins: PENISMAIL.
(10:53:45 PM) Ari Collins: PENISSHOE.
(10:53:51 PM) Ari Collins: PENISDOOR.
(10:53:53 PM) Ari Collins: PENISCLOCK.
(10:53:58 PM) Ari Collins: What else is in my room?
(10:54:05 PM) Ari Collins: And yes, there is a bike in my room.
(10:54:08 PM) Rob: Penispenis.
(10:54:16 PM) Ari Collins: Sadly, that’s not in my room.
(10:54:19 PM) Ari Collins: I left it with Jenny.
(10:54:43 PM) Rob: I believe we’ve divined the true, unholy alchemy of literature this day.
(10:54:56 PM) Rob: That adding ‘penis’ to the beginning, and ‘fart’ to the end of any word makes it instantly eight times better.
(10:55:37 PM) Rob: This is proven by the fact that Shakespeare never showed the world his final play, in which every word was thus gilt.
(10:55:49 PM) Rob: He knew that the world would be instantly immolated by its brilliance.
(10:55:57 PM) Ari Collins: brillmolated.
(10:56:12 PM) Rob: Penisbrillmolatedfart.
(10:56:12 PM) Ari Collins: Wow that portmanteau did not work as intended.
(10:56:31 PM) Rob: Penisportmanteaufart.
(10:56:50 PM) Rob: We have cracked the code.
(10:56:53 PM) Ari Collins: fartmanteau
(10:56:59 PM) Rob: We have cracked the peniscodefart.