Why You Should Drink Chocolate Milk

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I had to liven up speech class, so I wrote one on why you should drink chocolate milk. Here are the notes for the speech, which were really pretty close to the version given in the actual speech. Enjoy.

intro: middle ground btw. heatlhy stuff like sports drinks and milk and unhealthy sweet drinks like soda. Sweet like soda, healthy as milk and sports drinks. And it’s okay to act like a kid now and again.
1. Gives you things sports drinks and soda don’t.
1a. Soda doesn’t even come close: no nutritional value, no vitamins and minerals, no calcium. In fact it harms bones, says a 2006 Tufts University study, because phosphoric acid can leech calcium from your system.
1b. Sports drinks are better for you than soda, obviously. And some companies add vitamins and minerals to their sports drinks. But it’s still no comparison to the amount of vitamins and minerals and calcium that occur naturally in milk.
2. Not quite as good for you in some ways as milk or sports drinks.
2a. The only way it gets beat by sports drinks is in hydration. But those are really two different uses for drinks. It’s like, you wouldn’t use the hammer end of a hammer to get nails out, and you wouldn’t use the claw end to get a nail in. Well, chocolate milk is good for nutrition and because it tastes awesome, and sports drinks are good for hydration. Don’t drink sports drinks for nutrition or because you want something that tastes good, and don’t drink chocolate milk  when you’re exercising. And also, don’t confuse the metaphor and hit your drinks with hammers. I’ll tell you from personal experience that it’s a bad scene.
2b. Not as good for you as milk because of the added sugars. But while chocolate milk can have between 20g and 25g of sugar per 8 ounce serving, which on the upper end is close to soda’s 26g, 13g of that is the natural sugar in milk, leaving only 7-12g in ADDED sugar, which is the sugar that doesn’t occur naturally, has no nutritional value, and is bad for your heart, according to the American Heart Association. While soda’s 26g are all added sugar. And so 7-12g of added sugar extra that chocolate milk has more than milk isn’t that big a deal, considering all the other health benefits of milk are intact, and it doesn’t taste like skim milk.
3. I won’t spend too much time on this next point because it’s subjective, but chocolate milk has the best taste of anything ever in the history of ever. Point made. Don’t need to back that up, because it’s unbackupable and also so obviously true. Chocolate milk tastes awesome. Moving on.
4. My last point is kind of subjective too, but hear me out. I think we’ve forgotten a lot of stuff we knew as kids. Now, granted, some of the stuff we knew as kids was wrong. Like when I thought that girls were icky and had cooties. And that you told a girl you liked her by punching her and running away. (Although I guess that part’s still somewhat true. But that’s a different issue entirely.) The important thing is, there’s plenty of stuff we’ve forgotten about relaxing and having fun. We need to play tag before we’re old and can’t do it anymore. We need to wear shoes with spiderman on them. Maybe even ones that light up when we walk, which is something I’m jealous that my generation totally missed out on. We need to have more of our dates be play dates where we build things out of blocks together. I think we just need to get over ourselves and our need to look like grown-ups, and instead find joy in goofing off in an unselfconscious way.
Conclusion:
So grab some chocolate milk. It’s way better for you than soda and tastes better than milk and sports drinks. And maybe when you’ve chugged it down you’ll find a little bit of childhood stuck down there at the bottom. You should probably still wash it out pretty well and recycle it though, because childhood can start to smell things up after a while. Thanks for listening.

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