adventures in ni serutnevda

by
“I had a conversation with my mattress this morning.”
Obwhite winced. “How’d it go, man?” He touched Allard’s hand.
Allard took Obwhite’s hand. “It was rough, you know? We’ve been going through some weird stuff lately, and I just feel like it’s time to get it all out in the open, you know?”
“Oh, absolutely,” Obwhite said. “I went through the same thing with my radio. And look at us now!” He beamed.
“Now that you mention it, sir,” the radio squeaked tinnily, “there’s something you might want to see.”
Obwhite nodded. The radio projected a scene from the Debates earlier that morning into their prefrontal cortexes.
Obwhite and Allard disappeared and the two great Speakers dominated their perceptions.
“The problem, as I see it,” the Absolutist said, “is that we both share far too much in common. After all, we both know there is nothing worse than a false prophet– and it can be so difficult to discern true Prophecy from fiction. I feel we Absolutists should work closely with you, our friends the Revenance.”
The Revenant shook, his round face bright red. Technically, he hadn’t stopped presenting his argument from the moment he first spoke; more accurately, he was doing the same thing he’d begun doing the moment he was told that he was free to offer his arguments to the world. That is: he was frothing at the mouth, snarling, occasionally barking, and tearing at his podium and notes with abandon.
It was the Revenant’s turn. “It is the Revenant’s turn to speak,” the moderator intoned blissfully (like all protosentient appliances, its definition of happiness was purely Socratic– it was happiest when performing its intended function.)
A blood vessel burst in the Revenant’s eye. The crowd scarcely suppressed a murmur of dismay as terabytes of information were extracted from every interaction and relation of the two Speakers.
And that’s how your brain works, Billy. Sweet dreams.

“I had a conversation with my mattress this morning.”Obwhite winced. “How’d it go, man?” He touched Allard’s hand.Allard took Obwhite’s hand. “It was rough, you know? We’ve been going through some weird stuff lately, and I just feel like it’s time to get it all out in the open, you know?””Oh, absolutely,” Obwhite said. “I went through the same thing with my radio. And look at us now!” He beamed.”Now that you mention it, sir,” the radio squeaked tinnily, “there’s something you might want to see.”Obwhite nodded. The radio projected a scene from the Debates earlier that morning into their prefrontal cortexes.Obwhite and Allard disappeared and the two great Speakers dominated their perceptions.”The problem, as I see it,” the Absolutist said, “is that we both share far too much in common. After all, we both know there is nothing worse than a false prophet– and it can be so difficult to discern true Prophecy from fiction. I feel we Absolutists should work closely with you, our friends the Revenance.”The Revenant shook, his round face bright red. Technically, he hadn’t stopped presenting his argument from the moment he first spoke; more accurately, he was doing the same thing he’d begun doing the moment he was told that he was free to offer his arguments to the world. That is: he was frothing at the mouth, snarling, occasionally barking, and tearing at his podium and notes with abandon.It was the Revenant’s turn. “It is the Revenant’s turn to speak,” the moderator intoned blissfully (like all protosentient appliances, its definition of happiness was purely Socratic– it was happiest when performing its intended function.)A blood vessel burst in the Revenant’s eye. The crowd scarcely suppressed a murmur of dismay as terabytes of information were extracted from every interaction and relation of the two Speakers.And that’s how your brain works, Billy. Sweet dreams.

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