I try my hand at vampire romance microfiction.

by

Twilight Vampire Hunter Mina Stackhouse

“Doctor Stackhouse, please do calm down,” said Dr. Rosen. “He’s perfectly harmless.”

Mina gazed at their beautiful prisoner through the glass. The shackles glimmered against his alabaster skin. He stood tall and proud, as if he weren’t being forced to stand in the one spot the sun lamps didn’t reach. “I’m not afraid of what he could do,” she said, though it was only mostly true. The prisoner’s deep orange eyes gazed right at her, sending a thrill down her shoulder.  He shouldn’t even have been able to see her (or himself?) through the two-way mirror. “I’m afraid of what I could do.”

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2 Responses to “I try my hand at vampire romance microfiction.”

  1. deathbychiasmus Says:

    That is awesome.

    It would almost certainly lose something if you were to trim it down to 55, but I think you could get the core idea through, at least. I’ve trimmed it down to 44 words, below. Feel free to use it as your skeleton, if you wish, and add whichever of the other details you think would add the most to it. But really, I think its best form is exactly as you have written it in this post, 103 words and all.

    —————————
    “Doctor Stackhouse, please calm down,” said Dr. Rosen. “He’s perfectly
    harmless.”

    Mina gazed at their beautiful prisoner through the glass. The shackles glimmered against his alabaster skin. “I’m not afraid of what he could do,” she said. “I’m afraid of what I could do.”

  2. aricollins Says:

    Yeah, I think I need to clean it up some, but I don’t think it would work as a 55. The devil’s in the details in this one.

    Then again, I’ve thought that of many stories that ended up making great 55s, so we’ll see.

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