Repurposed

by

“‘Pick up some slack in the forums,’ you said. Update 55aday,” the man in the fedora said. He shook out a cigarette.

“I will, I will.” The short man shook his head. “You have to understand, I’ve got a lot going on right now and–”

“Yeah, yeah. Jobless, injured, whatever. Fact is, we’ve gotta push each other. Nobody else’s doin’ it for us.” The private eye lit the cigarette and squinted at the short man.

“What the hell you think you’re doing, calling yourself a private eye?” The short man grinned. “You’re not a detective by any stretch of anyone’s imagination.”

The man in the fedora took a drag off the cigarette and fixed the short man in his gaze. “What the hell you think you’re doing calling yourself a writer? And quit breaking the fourth wall.”

“You should talk, you’re writing this. Asshole.”

“Douche.” The man in the fedora chuckled and ended the blog post.

Then the short man broke the fourth wall in half and put the room back together in a pentagon by editing the private dick’s dick post.

“That’s bullshit, man,” said the detective, reverting to speech that, as detectives go, was more Lebowski than Deckard. “Anyway, I can break more walls than you. WITH MY PENIS.” He threw his fedora in the air, and, as the two of you watched, it turned into a giant black veiny-looking dildo in mid-air. As it dropped back into his hands, he did a little Texan square-dance (surprising himself) and said: “See what I did there, man? I included our readers as characters. Both of them.”

“Ehh, you call that postmodernism?” Asked the giggling dwarf. “I was busy failing to get a B.S. in Pomofo-ism back when you thought you were the only one sucking on your momma’s titties. Watch this!” He jumped on a horse (he was a dwarf jockey man, obviously), jumped through the story’s ceiling, and galloped to your house. He knocked on the door with his tiny tiny fist. When you answered, he said, “

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3 Responses to “Repurposed”

  1. Sebatinsky Says:

    Holy crap. I’m so confused.

  2. aricollins Says:

    Okay, so here’s what happened. This morning, I posted about how I hadn’t been posting lately. Gryfft took umbrage and posted a story about how I asked him to pick up some slack, but instead I’m the one oughtter be doing more here. (He’s the fedora-wielder, on account of his now-abandoned Thomas Bleakly, P.I. story, and I’m the short guy, on account of… being short.)

    Then instead of replying, I decided to go ass on his ninja postmodern-style and actually EDIT his entry instead of commenting, thus appending my story to his, beginning at “Then the short man broke the fourth wall…”

    Then Gryfft decided time travel was teh best0rs and posted a reply story, but re-dated it to make it appear BEFORE this entry.

    And that’s where the war of ridiculousness is now, possibly to remain there unless I think of something good to fire back with.

  3. deathbychiasmus Says:

    I love this blog.

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