My Subconscious Is A Sloganeer


Several nights ago I had a dream wherein I had an Idea.  The Idea was this: there should be a special holiday where instead of giving gifts, we just have sex.  This struck me in the dream as a brilliant idea.  I went around my dream high school cafeteria, telling all my dream friends, “I call it SeX-Mas.  It’s like Christmas… but with sex!”

I said it just like that, and you have to picture a sort of Jerry Seinfeld dramatic smirking pause after “Christmas”.  Got it?  Good.  The dream kids in my dream high school thought it was the stupidest idea they’d ever heard, but at least amusing.  I got a lot of dream mileage out of it.  I should also note that the fact that most holidays are with your family and that this would be an incest problem, this porblem did not occur to me in the dream.  Maybe in real life… it would be a work holiday?  It could be a popular holiday in college also.

(I wonder if that dream wasn’t based on something Laura once did.  In her non-dream high school, for a sociology class or something, she did a report on an idea of hers – Sexfare.  It’s like welfare… but with sex!  Basically, her idea was that sex was a human right, and so anyone who’s not getting any ought to be able to get government help to afford a prostitute.  Or maybe a government prostitute.  Hell, let’s legalize and regulate the whole thing while we’re at it.  The amazing thing was that her high school actually let her use this idea as the basis for a sociology paper… and presentation!  Only Laura.)

So anyway, last night I had another dream with a slogan in it.  This dream had a lot of strange things in it also, but let’s skip the context right now and just say that I was on a helicopter taking off from Toronto when a nuclear explosion hit.  (The context was weird, okay?  You don’t want to hear it.  Trust me, I did a dream journal back in college.  Even the weird stuff is only interesting to the dreamer.)  Since we were taking off and had gotten a good distance away, it took a while for the shockwave to hit.  We managed to stay in the air somehow just barely, and after we stabilized, I walked over to the pilot.  I noticed that the helicopter’s floor (it was like a kitchen floor, again: don’t ask) was slippery.  It had somehow been cleaned by the shockwave, like it had been mopped.  I went through the rest of the dream mockingly saying that when I was elected President, there would be “a mushroom cloud in every kitchen!”  That was my platform.

Alright, gotta get ready for w*rk.  The deli counter awaits.

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One Response to “My Subconscious Is A Sloganeer”

  1. deathbychiasmus Says:

    Once, a friend of mine had a dream about being chased through classrooms by a kind of robber ninja. When she ran into one classroom, my friend Matt was in there, with a box of McDonald’s fries. Then the robber ninja rushed into the room, and Matt jumped up on the table in the center of the room, threw the box of fries at the intruder, and yelled out “SURFRIES!”

    Another time, I dreamed about finding a twenty-dollar bill folded into my Bible, thinking about how paper money represents amounts of gold, and then telling my friends that it’s “Gold you can Fold.” It’s pretty sweet and amazing what our subconscious minds can come up with, in terms of wordplay.

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