Is There A Whipped Egg?

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So I was commenting on Gryfft’s last post but this deserved to be its own entry. I was thinking about the term “hard-boiled detective” and I thought (and I’m sure I’m not the first): why can’t there be detectives who are better described by other egg types?

(And incidentally, Wikipedia was no help at all in this. Seriously, their List of Egg Dishes article is a runny mess. [Sorry.] They have scrambled eggs and boiled eggs and poached eggs, but not even sunny-side-up? Over easy? OH WAIT. I followed the links and sunny-side-up and over-easy are under the article “fried eggs”. So really it’s just a poorly-designed list, capped by “Bastard Egg” [?] being listed as a different egg despite being a variant of the boiled egg. And hey, you really have to see Eggs and Brains and Fried Brain Sandwich.

And then I learned that my favorite egg, Sunny Side Up, is losing popularity. “Awesome,” sayeth I, “my preference is losing popularity, like my mutton chops [the facial hair, not the food], although those goddamn indie kids have mutton chops sometimes, goddamn kids who won’t get off my lawn, no really I had drunk college kids on my lawn in Buffalo once, and now I should really stop talking to myself, or at least pretending that these are things I talk to myself about,” but then I read further and it’s because Sunny Side Up is a salmonella risk. Goddamnit.

Okay, so Wikipedia turned out to be pretty helpful and awesome after all.

This parenthetical blog interruption has been brought to you by The Egg Channel. The Egg Channel – Fair and Balanced Egg Reporting.)

Anyway, so detectives: there oughtta be a whipped detective (detectives never have significant others), and a sunny side up detective (wouldn’t a cheery detective kind of be awesome?), and an over easy detective (maybe in New Orleans [the Big Over Easy], but you can’t write about the city anymore without writing about Katrina), and a poached detective (people keep stealing his cases?), and a scrambled detective (keeps confusing cases maybe or just following red herrings [more food!]).

Uhh… pretend I never wrote extensively at 8 in the morning about eggs.

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